Who Is This In Me?

Did  I smile

As a child

Or was I wild

Did I deny my friends

As they denied my love

Or all of the above

While my tears they pour

They all ignore

I'm something for them to blame

But nothing they would claim

They could never be consistent

With this large a distance

Were set in different places

Taking separate paces

So don’t drag me along

That isn't where I belong

I promise you

I'm through

Just stop pretending

That I'm depending

On you

For any clue

You've been so blind

Leaving me outta your mind

But later you wont forget

All the regret

Of not caring to know

Where I might go

It was hell from the begining

But these laws, you must be kidding?

I attempt to take my stand
But before I land

 you pull me down
Way to the ground

So there I lay

Because of you, I pay

Broken and crooked I stay

Frozen there all day

Yes I breath,

But It goes in as grieve

Yes my pulse still goes

As my bloody river flows

Through my streams

Of broken dreams

Together they crushed my soul

Leaving me a dark, meaningless ghoul

Death would be to simple

They want me to cripple

To feel pain

This is their sick game

I wish they would let me go in peace

To the land of the deceast

Were I belong to be

And long to see

The place where I can be, me

Don’t take my deathly treasure

It could be my only pleasure

You torcher me

Uselessly

What's to look for

Blood and gore?

So take a step

And let me check

My past containing all this harm

Only to recognize fresh bruises on my arm

My heart not in much better a condition

For it was poisoned by your harsh petition

A goodbye, I did not get one

So for my last word.. Run.

10-31-10

Pushed to the Pacific

Writen for History Class about Westward Expansion. Had about 5 minutes:

We'll become roots
cement ourselves within the trees
raise our lives
and charge
charge through valles, through our dreams
charge through our wyhole life
leading up to one plung

Leave justice behind
leave liberty aside
dont cower
let the arrows shower
feast on the flesh of our enemy

our lives are in this land
at this place
without here
we have no spirit

push me through the mountains
push me through the plains
push me through the valleys
of my broken dreams
push till the pacific
 and off the edge we fly
dignity held in our hands
no time left
new home means no home

All to Pacific.

10-17-10

Give Me Back

Toe to Toe we stand together

Hand in hand we merge our worlds

Preceding forward,

Who would leave a majestic sight?

Never turning to look back,

To remember our faulties,

Was also an unknowing blindfold

Over life, and cherishment's

This was our mistake, we lost all we had once

Only taken for granted so long

It was lost in our selfishness

Neither strong enough to try again,

Not to restore what we once had dreamt of returning to

So leave me now peacefully if you can

You still care, and I can tell.

You left and took part of me

That was long ago

But now that I know you won't be back

I'd like you to return myself please

Why wont he?

This Is how I know he cares.

He continues to carry me upon his shoulders

But not as a burden , or even remorse,

Let alone regret.

But as a loss.

Of himself no less.

Why would this be?

 what does it mean?

He's told me different many times

And yet I feel his eyes

Troubling.

Distracting.

Wanting time back.

I hunt for truths

I think he knows I've figured him our

Possibly, why he runs.?

Why wont he let go?

Why can't I ignore it?

Not even possible for me to hope he let's go

Its what we need.

I know he's not over me.

Give me pieces back of my broken heart

Hand my soul and dreams to me,

So maybe

I can give your back to.

If only you'd let me.

10-27-10

How hard this all is.

Time is on the list

Thinking of my past

Wow it went so fast

People come and go

Thank god no one knows

All the things I've kept,

Notebooks full, entirely of regret

My days begin with sorrow

That lasts until the end of tomorrow

What I'd do for just a break

I just don’t know how much more I can take

My heart I give. Denied.

I might as well be crucified

Don’t take the risk

I did, my journey was brisk

Simple it may seem,

Till you feel the deathly beam

You think you've got the knack

Till you smack down through the cracks
 

Finally, You recede your attack

Hell is on the way

Now you must pay

As I'm sure your well aware

There's not much more I can bear

So let my dreams falter

And take me to the alter

To say my last goodbyes

Fore those who stood guard

And watched my suffering scene

As if it weren't hard

Take my heart and soul

Leave it to no fool

For I sing and flutter free now

No need for a bow

Just a smile of hope

And , of joy, just no smoke

10-18-10

(first rhyme, no murdering it.. !)

Imposter of Dreams

Dreamt he was mine for one day

Then woke up to reality

Although I never really thought I'd be able,

I wish I could say this was over

This imposer troubles me,

Forcing thoughts long forgotten,

And feelings far forbidden

8-2-10

To Lew. On My Way

As I'm falling overboard oh so slowly

Only one thing comes into realization,

Reality hits before the water

Regret fills instead of pain

As my life engulfs me,

Takes me over,

I take one last glace at life

Only to see you

Walking away

This could never be what pushed me over

No

Its what you’ve done with your heart

Oh so easily you invited her in

Secretly squeezing me out in return

When I see you look back with clear eyes

They pull me into my boat

Destination?

Hell.

8-18-10

Captivated

Falling like I'll never stop

But pained with agony

Farther I go

Deeper I regret this forbidden love,

Should of stayed hidden,

What happened?

July 2010

Lips. What Makes me Keep Hold

Don't get lost in the dark,

I'll come find you when your hurting

But I can't fix what you've done to yourself,

Or maybe I can but wont?

I wasn't the one to break you,

Or even cut you loose

Why come to me now?

December 2008

Writing through Uncut Pressure

As my mind floats through unfinished

Memories, it does so unwillingly, I stare

At the blank valley, and the emptiness of

This view of my world. For me to have

To choose whether I fill it with

Sorrow, those who care, or fake

Happiness will be much worse then

The universe deciding for me. the light

Is my option, mostly its my safe choice.

But with if risk is what I need.

Id rather be fighting against my

Thick, soulless air,, then filling it with

My chosen remorse. I can never

Balance my life, let alone those of

Which I've placed on my platter

All this time

Each piece of my puzzle was

given away, pushed away, or

Thrown away. And now the

bigger picture is lost. Im blinded

Of my past, and my future is

Uncontrollable. As I walk the emptiness

I create the people of my present

World, cherishing each detail. Each an

Amazing memory. Supposedly creating a

Perfect universe. Thus, unexsisting, forcing

Me away and to be invisible. Goodbye.

Happiness with me lies on the world

Taking me over, sorry. I know your not proud

10-12-10

Behind Open Curtains

the strands of hair across your face some how tell me what's awaiting behind their wall.

so much to give, so much wasted with the heartache taken forcefully.

 reaching through to the parts we block for purpose or non, their barricades,

 torn down. Never to know, now your left to wonder,

wish,& dream.

December 2007

Flickers of Knowing

As the candle shines perfectly upon the face of beauty leaning over me

I take my hand to air as if to caress the majestic sight

Not getting farther than an elbow away from my body

I soon forget its even there

♥She takes a feather from her wing and places it in my hair,

oh so delicately brushing my face

My hair shines like a newborn lake,

dead silent after rain

My face, shimmers where she left her trace,

making it seem as though it would light these woods completely

From her gown of beauty,

Elegance,

And dream, she pulls a single bead

Hands it to me with a whisper

"You shall come always, in my percents or not, your pure soul has made an imprint on those who care enough to notice and those who didn't are those of which need you not"

With this, a brush of her hand and mine she drifts to a greater valley,

Filled with larger thoughts, and deeper emotions...

MY heaven

Good bye my sweet angle.

For this visit is my que to say goodbye and embrace those who have been here and thank those who weren't

This sign told my correct, soon, i forgot myself, and even sooner, i forgot who was good and who was evil

time for my final visit. My angle shall return, and i lay here to wait for her.

The only thing worth waiting for...

Goodbye my sweet Guardian, the one who cared, the one who stayed, the one that accepted change..

The only one.

Who are you?

You Don't exist.

9-7-10

Angle of Death.

In A Simpler Time

I'm wishing of a world of many nations

My nation made of many differently spoken words

So no matter what I yell,

No one can be hurt

No one can be affected

No matter what is discussed, debated, or spoken against

To be in a simpler time

Why use guns when we can throw our speech out freely,

Without consequence

Why kill our mother, when we can just as easily live home without using her poison

Why close when we have possibility staring at us with an open hand

So open your eyes

Spread your wings

And try a little

The ground is your friend

So be not afraid

The sky is your own enemy, filled with wonder

And options

Far to many to say

But nothing would matter

If we were in a simpler time

If today is the futures simple time,

 what will it be like, I wonder in the sky

Breezes of regret coming my way

Hit.

Like a wave of reality

My winds, they fail me, and time only tick by,

Getting worse

So much for a "Simpler Time"

8-16-10

My Baby Boy

Oh there he Is, my baby, baby boy!

Litter fingers little toes

What he can feel yet, no one knows!

Ill take him here, show him there

Memories, I'm not sure are present

But for mine, I'll continue this rampage.

I sit and wonder.

What's on that little brain

In this empty room, 2 chairs for

Each of us. I wont look away.

I can’t. why can't I figure my

Baby out. He grows and grows while

I still sit, stare and wonder on.

He lives, while I still wonder. I die off,

Still wonders. Realizing curiosity missed all life

Waste.

My baby boy, is all I could comprehend.

8-12-10

Time is on the List

Thinking of my past

Wow it went so fast

People come and go

Thank god no one knows

All the things I've kept,

Notebooks full, entirely of regret

My days begin with sorrow

That lasts until the end of tomorrow

What I'd do for just a break

I just don’t know how much more I can take

My heart I give. Denied.

I might as well be crucified

Don’t take the risk

I did, my journey was brisk

Simple it may seem,

Till you feel the deathly beam

You think you've got the knack

Till you smack down through the cracks
 

Finally, You recede your attack

Hell is on the way

Now you must pay

As I'm sure your well aware

There's not much more I can bear

So let my dreams falter

And take me to the alter

To say my last goodbyes

Fore those who stood guard

And watched my suffering scene

As if it weren't hard

Take my heart and soul

Leave it to no fool

For I sing and flutter free now

No need for a bow

Just a smile of hope

And , of joy, just no smoke

10-18-10

(first rhyme, no murdering it.. !)

..Blessing of Night..

Now that its our time, 

How dare they sleep , 

while the glow of her beauty highlights the atmosphere around us, 

Showing every notch and blemish through the ripples of the earth

She comes and goes with her perfection 

Changing every time  

Stuck on repeat  

Passion spoken through no found words   

Oh Luna, Luna, your brilliant eyes

Oh those eyes of yours,

Missing that  Paradisiacal sight is the misdemeanor of the night 

May your outgrowth be blinding and everlasting

Luna, Oh Luna let your Eyes heavily gloss me,

I'm pleading for your twilight blessing!

Oh Luna, glimmering Luna.

Light my life. Light my way.

Light my inside and Teach me to shine from with in

8-12-10

The bliss of silence being shattered(§)

Sit in the middle of a tormented storm and scream back through the lightning bouncing down, and thunder of a thousand drums, you shall shine through to the heart, and be heard, recognized, and remembered when its long gone and silence lingers at the end

8-12-10

♥~Compelling Regrets!~♥

Oh, look through the holes in the floor of heaven and ask those stars who cares.oh, ask them what's happened through your blindfold all this time. Who's in control and why. Why me? Why couldn’t I take the reins of control, I have the blood in my veins unlike this haunting ghost, why…leave me why doesn’t he. Can he..or no? choices aren't what haunt me, regret is what compels me. Let go, how can i>? Never again, not now that I have seen the brokenness of it all and always.

My Wings of Childhood

i love that the hummingbird makes you smile

 That the simplistic of the universe is your savior

 Not to be the boldest, but to be you.

As you sit and watch you reflection With your invisible wings It reminds you of yourself.

 Your child self The loveliness and playfulness of childhood results to you

 So much energy

So much beauty

Innocence shown through In every way possible

 Including ever elegance,

The cloud is your friend,

 your bed, Your savior.

September 4th 2010

..To write your love in the sky..

For the world to see

For her to gaze and cherish

You put it there, to stay, to stick, for always

Then, Faded by wind, and glazed with a  cloud cover

It starts to disappear.

Dire need of a renewal your plane will not start, your records will not play,

All hope seems to get lost in distant time of the past

Thoughts rave like raindrops without a choice but to fall,

No chance but to fail

Your plane will not start

The world is shut off, she will no longer be stunned,

She regains her breath, time is up. Unfrozen,.

The last Drop fallen.

Dreams Drifting to a Promise Land

Inspection.

Its not that your not perfect.

The opposite actually

I want the one that’s different

With imperfection

No matter how I must get there

I need this to be true.

As I pluck a blade, and grab a branch

I throw a whisper of hope into the air to help me

Close my eyes,

And let the response take me over

I slowly raise the lids,

 to reveal the perfect petals

Of a perfect daisy,

Perched in the cracks of stone

As sunlight hardly pierces the velvet feathers

The leaf hardly curled under

All signs showing vulnerability,

But without the slightest scratch

You wait

Mesmerized, I float to her, I hesitate to preserve the beauty

8-18-10

Don’t Fear Death

As you lay there, your not alone, even if you seem to be.

Agony from your bone and flesh starts to melt away as a black cloak nears your bedside.

His boney fingers creep down beside your beating heart.

The closer he leans, the more you feel. as his ridged bones near your soul, you feel the dead reapers attacking you.

Screaming, you jolt rapidly, watching the steady lifless reaper killing you without touch even.

All pain leading up to one brush of Deaths palm to you, and its done.

Every feeling, memory and sight receed to a trapped place to disappear.

You are at peace. Finally to rest.

7-10-10