Hell over Heaven

you took me to your 

place called heaven

i was given my wings 
and precious things

this bright new land you showed my

there i always longed to be

but later on 

suddenly you were gone

no where to be found

I was put back on the ground

no more clouds to sail through

and skys no longer blue

furiously my world had changed 

over flowing now with rage

so now i drown in your pitiful sorrow

not knowing if ill see tomorrow

 i gave you a chance

and made you choose

not even thinking i could loose

but in the end i lost

and my whole world, it did cost

so please now just let me go

deep

deep 

down below

 because any hell 

is better than you heaven.

6.14.12

The Blue Eyes of Lies

Through your lies I swayed

in your eyes they layed

the blue that blocked

and locked those secrets in

but by the time the facade was gone 

a brand new life id already drawn

ive made myself my own guide

and in my mind you dont lie inside

but with this power

i fear

i wont devour, but instead cower

this new found blessing

im not sure im ready to be processing

but in my hands it is mine

for it in my heart is cant define

the feeling i get

from this freedom i just met

i see it from my fresh eyes

no longer this earth is in disguise

so now i leave your lies

no more ties

to your tormenting eyes

instead i love what i decide

and do as i am satisfied

6.14.12

Till Death I Shall Starve

I hunger for you

untill the day is through

even then the sunset

could never seem so long

but its worth the wait

for your gracefull song
6.14.12

RIP 11.2.11

sweet, selfless tears.

silence real and undefined

i take witness in stone, as stone

of the realness in everyone that looks away.

over taken with pain

shocked by it,

it wasn't real till the seal was official

the last light let upon the skin, the life,

and still i just sit, a pair of eyes,

and a couple of thoughts.

to ponder on what should and shouldn't be happening

shouldn't is what i've taken witness

people they are here as simply comforts.

affected by their loved ones lose.

seeing only the hurt they must be feeling

not what they are.

mingling, occasional laughter.

what could possibly be that humorus.

simple. shouldn't be. isn't.

should is how im being driven

the tears stone duth not bear,

but lifeless qualities i carry,

burdens i do withstand

but this, i do not compromise

i see but black and grey

my heart fills my head

my tears, my pulse is my metronome

only thoughts that named,

had gotten his still beating

metronome broken, silenced

to soon.

so we all sit here and think

of how to comfort us.

when we found this only comparable thought to their dismay

laying in a box

to be that they must be contained

in a better place

bitter. selfish. thoughts.

11.11.11

for Christopher Turner's grandfather

may he always rest. in .peace.

bless him

♥

Let Eternity Melt

Let this acid fall right through

Fall into my soul

Through my pastly shadow

Down into the drapes of hell

Fending off al the love

Sending it to someone above

Someone's that’s deserving

Let eternity waste away
Because as you know

As you know

And have

Known

For

Life

That I've got nothing

Nothing to share

Shit to give

Eternity can waste away

All

The

Way

Into nothing

Nothing that can compare

Not anything

To

Loose

So everything can fall apart

And ill only contribute

This madness is apart of me

Ripping me in halfs

Nothing that I care

Will make it though this despair

So let this acid melt me

Till I'm nothing

Nothing

To leave

Behind

9.7.11

Cuts and Burns I'm Not ashamed

Sometimes I feel fate had a lot to say

But the pain comes when it turns away

My head continues to spin

And yet still contains a grin

Promises I can keep

But yet I still weep

At all the days

I have not had to pay

For my dismay

Please take this key,

And simply let me be.

My stomach churns

My heart, it burns

I've lost US

In all the fuss

Now its too late

There passed by my fate

Heart is what I lost

Love is all it cost

Hear this burden that I bear,

In hopes that after you will care.

I hold this curiosity with all my tears,

I hide these questions of myself away for years,

Because of all my fears

Dreams soar me up and away,

Reality turns me astray

I feel this world tearing us apart

Shooting at my very heart

I'm not sure how much more I can bear,

I cant seem to reach any air

What holding me from the blade?

Certainly not this shity life I've made.

Even if my life escalades

There would never be a parade

No memory of me

No sight or sound

You wont be seeing me around

Ill beg and plead
And one day bleed

One day your world will fall down

But long before then ill have drown

Like this I could go on forever

But seems to me its not so clever

Some may care about their soul

But here I am to say goodbye

I kick the stool

And let me fly..

W's of Woman

And WHAT they WANT

Some girls WANT good hair.

Nice. Shiny.

They may spend hours perfecting it.

Curling it. Coloring it.

For WHAT?

And hour around a guy.

WHO in fact, gives no shit WHAT-so-ever.

Some woman WANT material things.

Jewelry. To stand out and be an envy to her friends.

Nice clothes to hid themselves.

Cute cars to show off.

When in fact, no one pays attention.

Some ladies WANT the popularity.

And would do anything for it.

While really, they have no friends.

At least ones that actually like them.

WHAT I WANT

Is to know.

I WANT knowledge.

I WANT understanding.

I WANT to know.

WHO.

I.

AM.

WHO-I'm supposed to be

WHY-I'm here

WHAT- I'm meant to do

And

WHEN- I'll…Know.

Fair god mom, figure that one out.

Goodluck.

That’s. my.

WISH.

7.31.11

Obvious enough?

Pure

What is pureness?

Not the definition, but how can we understand what is pure.

Is a new born pure and innocent

Or simply inexperienced and untested

Can you be pure at heart or mind

Differently or separate

Or is pureness overall

Winnable.

Everyone knows you can loose purity,

If you had it, but can you gain purity

Fighting in a war.

Telling truth of a lie.

Sharing some love.

Do these things bring purity

This makes me wonder.

Maybe perfection isn’t what we're in search for

Perfect. Brings such dull thoughts.

Possibly pure is what we are in strive for.

Maybe that’s where the good comes from.

Taking the idea of

Karma.

To a whole.

New.

Level.

By doing good things to out weigh the bad.

Simple thought.

Hard to do.

All these sayings, we've heard a million times, applied to life, a million times,

But ever once have we thought about the deeper possible meanings.

My point Is,

 there must be some goal to life.

Life itself.

One.

Common.

Goal.

Maybe if we could just figure it out

We could accomplish something in life.

Pure.

Power.

Beauty.

Material.

Love.

Satisfaction.

Accomplishment.

Perfection.

Admiration.

All things we LIVE for.

Things we FIGHT for.

Like we actually can control where or who these things favor.

What about the appearance

Of

Pure.

7.31.11

Luck Is An Easy Game

Life comes with no signs

Only chances

Life doesn’t include happiness

Only choices

Miracles are rare but so is

True love.

Coincidence I think that isn't

But now that I've found you

How can I not believe?

Love is what you are to me

But how hard love is in everyway

Especially in terms of

Attempting to word it

In a lousy poem.

7.23.11

Endurance

This world I've lived in all along with you,

Whom I did belong

We passed another, day by day

And yet a passing glance we did not pay

For you, before, I never gave a care

And talk to you, only once did I dare.

I threw myself at you,

While neither of us had a clue.

But then, you changed me,

And gave me so much more to be.

For that I thank you, and move on,

But you were very far from gone.

You told me all about your past,

All the sadness you endured

How people judge you now,

All that you’ve become is just absurd

You, I just don’t get

Feeling you must fix the world when I'm upset

You are perfect in every way,
And just from you, the time of day

Is all that I can ask

Though to you that may seem a too simple task

I not only love you because you love me,

I love you because its me that you see

Christopher, you confuse me, all that you've been through

And all I've seen, you and us is all so new

My only wish is that we could be a grand guarantee

To be one happy family

But there isn't is there?

That doesn’t mean I don’t have my love to share

But this burden I worry and bare

How could the 2 of us have been so charmed,

When we both grew up so majorly harmed

I'm not sure we can,

But your still apart of my future plan

7.23.11

Believe

You guide me

Stood beside me

Whispered telling stories to me

All I wanted to do

Was believe

Miracles you showed to me

Rising my desires

Harm you let me peek upon
Growing dependence to you.

Then you'd crush my dreams

And smash my hopes

When promises were broken

I was lower than when we'd begun

The stories

The lies

All because,

I believed.

7.17.11

Eleanor's Strutting Stuff

You strike your long pose

Showing off your misleading ways.

The stride in your walk,

The courage in your strut,

Describes your true coward sides.

Your waltz, you think perfect

Because you have companions to turn astray

While you turn away

Simply to hide your feet of clutz.

Good actor you say?

Your chin almost as high

As your worn heels

Like you could pretend to dance forever

Please, your secret was hardly spun,

Hidden almost as well as your pride

The dress may show off you

But only in time

Will we all see,

The true you,

Congrats for the time being,

Love, reality

6.16.11

Atop A Storm

The cold wind picks up and drags through the trees,

Dark clouds of destruction move in as the light ones flee.

War rages amongst the skies even though we see peace,

Then all at once all motions seize.

A roar followed by flashes of light,

Give heed to what approaches in all its might.

As crazy as they seem,

What tranquility they may bring.

More darkness begins to swarm,

In the presence of this storm.

Never knowing the moment of commence,

I sit in confusion and suspense.

I wonder what beings this feeling about me,

How in the forefront of a storm I sit more proudly

In this moment no one is above any other,

We’re all at the mercy of another.

That moment has come so I conclude,

As the rain begins to fall in its solitude.

6.10.2011

Written not by me, but by my boyfriend, who doesn't believe his work is good, and doesn't know im posting this, so comment please!

Unexpected inspiration

A deep, cloudy sea of purple fades like smoke into the clashing of two worlds. One man stands alone in multiples. Wallowed in his pride, among the ones of death excused, or death demanded. Promises broken long ago still seem to lead to empty spaces. Maybe it’s the haunting memory or the faint loss in a colorful world. Each a divide as wealthy as love itself. History and past, each to be forgotten.

Like the thought of you!

5.29.11

Hello my name is. . .

I am the torcherus cry behind the wind

I'm the burn behind the sun

Each burden I bestow

Every doubt I register

Death I do not possess,

For easy is not my given game

War is only contrasted by harm

Love I do own,

Used in ways we each and all know well

Curiosity there would not be

If you simply knew me,

So.

Hello my name is. . .

5.16.11

Searched Through Seasons

As the floor covers in leaves , no sooner a breeze of winter releases through the open ceiling. I lay a kiss upon the cheek of escape and bound through the snow and sleet. And off I am, to a land I've always seeked. Where emotions fly free from one to another. So non to deny.

5.29.11

Invisible

My watcher,

 my guardian,

even she lays to rest tonight,

The gloominess is unbearable while she shines not

But with symphonies of the swaying grass to accompany me,

I've traveled to dance in deaths palm

I long only for impossibilities

And for which risk appears

To be my guest

Each star a keyhole to heavens delights

Resembling the pathways to angels

Transporting hopes and dreams

5-20-11

These Sins of Mine

Secrets I do not keep
And yet tears I still weap

For pulling you down
Way to the ground

Your heart is all I care
And your love I bear

But by you I can not see
I underestimate all that you can be

For you act so Bold
When really I'm leaving you so cold

If only I could hear your laugh
Although that would be on my behalf

Look at me I'm selfish within
How can you not see this sin?

With you I want to grow
Only you I want to know

Deserving is not me
But to you I need not plea

Perfection you havent seen
So technically this game is clean

Although you will one day
And then to you I'll say

How in my heart that you belong
And how easily you made me long

For you and me
To always be. . .
<3 data-blogger-escaped-br=""> I love you like you have no clue
I love you through and through
4-26-11

Worth the War?

They tear at us
and pull and shove
my closest campaniens, they moick
jealousy? i suppose
they suggest faul play
and suspect false accusations
but im only pleading
for acceptance
fake or true
is up to you
but a show
youcan put on for me
but please just respond to my plea.
non do, not that in much surprised
in the end they were right,
but i wasnt pained
so who won?

4-17-11

Ment to Be

I walk alone

i am content

but with such a sight

i wish to share

a light you could say,

to bestow among a chosen

so come forth

i call out to eligable contendors

i want nothing more but to share my secrets with you

but to have someone that i can talk to

when i know their not listening

and be okay with it.

why i dream so strangly

im not sure

but its what i long for

3-16-11