Friday, December 24, 2010

Eternity of Flames

My last breath slips out
With no words to be found
I feel the tears of those surrounding me
I feel the emptiness of their souls
Over my loss

I wish I could tell them to calm
To tell them how at peace I am
These few moments of death
Have been better than any on earth
And you all mourn?

The moments pass slowly
The days, I can not tell
But I feel the comfort of
A coffin?

Now that I'm relaxed I plan to sleep
I know, some ungodly way I know, that all I must do
Is sleep to b e on the pathway to heaven
So as I lay I do not wish o hear my funeral
Let alone feel all its sorrow

I begin shutting my mind down
Ready to belong to the lord
This is the only way to get there
A simple quest, I'd say

It was just then I felt them
How coils stinging through each vein
Colors burst, bright even through my eye lids

I feel pain like no earthly emotion
I can not cringe, or jolt
Nor scream, or defend
All I can do it sit
While my body is burned to nothing

I feel each cell, each atom of my being,
Burst into an explosion from the heat
My flesh simply melts away
While my bones linger on

I feel the chromosomes of my bones bursting
Repeatedly, for this process is slower

Why, why would they do this to me
All I had to do was slumber
Instead I sit
As ashes
Never to see the light of heaven
But always to feel the flames

They take my larger reminisce
And put them somewhere useless
While my body they take to canister
Your, I feel this
Like ripping me apart
Wore then limbs, but from the inside

Why couldn't they dispose of me
To water maybe?

I hope my daughter got her rest
Before they started demolishing her
Or here, I also sit guilty and in pain
Along side here I'd guess
And to sit for all eternity
And feel death raining down my spine.

December 24th 2010

Carried Through the Night

I don’t want to sleep
You told me I was safe,
That, I already knew
So what's the problem,
I'm afraid you wouldn't be there
When I awoke

You could just as easily disappear
As quickly as you came

As my eyes slide closed
I squeeze my arms around you tighter,
As if that would keep you here

I feel myself slipping into slumber
So now all I can do is dream,
Dream that you stay

They seem to last forever
But when I finally awaken
I'm terrified to open my eyes
But I realize I'm still keeping hold
Of my love 
December 24th 2010

Only Time Will Tell

I love the way your so consistent
No matter the circumstance
No matter the issue
You were who I counted on
With all my everything

I want love to be true
I want love to be you

More than any other moment
In wanting to believe

I feel like I'm 6 again
Waiting by the chimney on Christmas

Waiting to see if the stories and shows are true
Waiting to find out what's real

And if it is love how do I find out
Will I ever know

When do I get there, I fear I'll never know
But im happy, that’s all that matters at this moment
And its thanks to you

December 24th 2010

Hide and Seek

Does love find you?
Is it on a schedule?

When the love is gone, was it my fault?

Oh love why do you hide and run,
Don’t be afraid of me.

I miss you often
Need you much
And look for you always

Love they say,
Is powerful
Will I'm weak
So why don’t you take me.

Cupid, you’re a slacker
Not that I'm a believer

You make life complex
You make life worth the pain
Why wont you pick a path
Instead of making mine so ridged

Love me less.

Dec. 24th 2010

Beyond a Golden Horizon

There is a place
I like to visit
Where I chase
The perfect sunset

Golden like an angels eyes
There it lye's

Almost in reach,
All across the beach
My darling lays for brief moments

Each day is a view
Of something completely new

From where this beauty originates
Or whom it accommodates
I have no idea

I don’t have to know
Actually , id rather leave it be
A puzzle, and illusion for me

But here in this spot
At the very moment the golden sun illuminates me
For an instant only, I feel free
At peace, at rest

During these moments
The plates of the earth drown
And life surrounding fall, overwhelmed
But my mind still ticks

I can comprehend what's occurring
Unlike many others,
While the whole world is left stirring
I'm confines in one singular moment

Once time returns, and life starts running
I take a breath, for I will always have that

…my moment along with a shield, a blanket
Of golden sunlight

Dec. 24th 2010

Crowns in Chains

Each day, and endless time bomb
I feel the reapers
Presenting me with chains of metal
Sheets of silver
And mountains of boulders

If I no longer walk land free to haunt
What bombardment must be awaiting me
At the home I don’t yet posses

Non show kindness
Instead, laugh at the burden they share
Knowing what awaits my deathly hollow
They taunt

I do not wish to e shown mercy
Or use the denied light as an excuse
But to simply accept my dismay without regret
But with pride the least

I shall wear my ghouls wardrobe of horror
With dignity and cherish my rattling movements

Thank you for this "punishment"
It shows I've lived my life
Now to wear the crowns
Of the under god
Why waste a sinless time
To gaze upon heavenly chocolate?

 Dec. 10th 2010

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Tears of a Thorned Flower

Ill walk without the speed of an elder
Or speak above the rain
But I shall hold my own hand content
And tuck my chin below
As others do in remorse

Each flower they place
A memory never to die,
Is brought by many
But one, I do not bear

But as others depart on muted feet
I stay to see the roses cry

First from reds and yellows
Fading to deep shades of nature

I do not understand
As I watch the life poor from the victim
Into the earth it flows
With no sun to follow
It is soaked up by the leaves and rough

I still watch, to see
Through my very eyes
The color from nature to soft shades
Seeming grey

The rose that once sat red
Now lingers at a dark nightly shade

The lily that once lye yellow
Now bares a new, gloomy shade of shrill brown

The rain almost slows down
Before sliding down each decaying petal
As if it would break upon contact

I watch as the remains of the beauties
Shrivel to a bleak, endless black
And the rain slows to nothing
The few left drops are tears

Tears of the journey,
The rose and lily
Just took
Upon the death they were left to morn over

So here I stand, very spot,
Years later
To find, the tears of a thorned flower
Still lingering upon the delicate petals
Of an fragile rose,
 representing an imperfect life

Dec. 10 2010

Another life Walks Beside Me

I can feel them there

These ghosts I see as only memories

Motionlessly persuading me to outlive

And be touchered by their presence meant to be forgotten

Useless and vulnerable I feel,

Why did I let them walk in steps

And mourn in my shadows for so long..

October 14th 2009

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

In my spare thoughts

The days wash her away 
Hour by hour
Taking what she used to be
And forcing them through the pipes
Called life

She used to see herself in the mirror of puddles 
Now only seeing what she once was
She no longer showers in diamonds
But shells in rags 
No more feasts 
But is merely the shadow of what she once was 
Only looking back on regret
Regret of longing for more
More then?
No she has a life called useless

Each day a struggle 
And now to see frends 
Cherubic daughters
Maids over populated
Out of balance
Here i sit
On the lower side

All through life 
They all say to open your eyes
To see life 
Not just live it
Bilut once I did
I saw the corruption
The crime and violence

Every night i simply pray.
Pray to no wake up to this life
But for elegance to surround me
Silks and jewlery i insist to drown me
If only


Friday, December 3, 2010

In the Waves, Out the Wind

We walked through the sand
Little footprints lye along the enlarged
Till our toes were emerged in cool sea
My dad I loved
But as a son
I felt failed in his presence

He, much more than to be admired
But more likely considered heroic

It took a moment only, before I knew I had to tell
I tried to say it slow
Then, you became impatient
And I spilled at your request

Son- you come and got like the waves dad
Brief, but amazing while each separate moment lasts

Speechless, his father seems buried in the horizon
So my whining continues.

Dad- please know, mamma leaving wasn't your fault, the army is all I know..Son, you’re the life I love

Son-  But not the one you know, or live

Dad- Son…

Son- I know, your going. This is what I live.

Dad- You'll understand someday

Son- No, I promise, I won't..


Stand Still Movie

Are you there?
I ask myself repeatedly
Searching with not only my senses
But with my heart
Cold as it may be
Its earning for you, its savior

I cant see destiny, through this flurry
But where are you?
I know we weren't meant to be
Due to your anger toward my edges,
Spark and painful also
But your non to talk
While your going around
Killing the innocent thoughts
Of those with dreams

I step out of my sheltered overhang
To feel the instant pains of regret
As your face comes peering through the massive sheets
Its suddenly as if I need you to come running,
Each step a missed heartbeat,
But I contain my overly excited rage of the past

I hate how you wont look up
But as you approach
I want nothing more than to run.
Run into the attic and hide like I did as a child
Run into the arms of who held me when you crushed me
To run into a future, your not included in
But at this moment, I felt embarrassed
To be having such painful thoughts of far forgotten love

So as you speak
All at once I wish to cry and die
Normal>? not at all
But this weary noise from you,
Is one I do not know first hand

For you I attempt to call,
You don't look, or even flinch

Maybe you’ve moved on?
Maybe you still love me the same?

Each, opposites, but contain the same side affects
So, how to tell?

I really think we're done, but how will I ever know
While this festers, expands, grows in my mind
Your approaching.
Shielded from the chilled stars falling
You stop inches short
Breath visible in the atmosphere
Your deeper, like you heartbeat

And look up instantly catching an inhale
And  a small back step
For, I've changed me
Every bit, every part

Through my eyes, you see a re-newed soul
In which, a destiny
A destiny your unenclosed in

Crushed, your body retaliates
Mind crashing
Heart becoming an ambush
All over as sudden as it had begun
Your energy less body crashed the pavement

Now you know what I went through when you left,
Hell and back.
Back being worse.